It's a familiar scenario. You walk into a market (most likely of the "super" variety), see a display of pineapple. In its alien, armadillo-like state it might conjure up some sunny memory of a Hawaiian vacation. Or it might strike a bit of fear. What the hell do I do with that? You buy one, utilizing some rule or another as to gauge ripeness. You tug on a leaf. You check its bottom where it was once attached to a cactus-like base. Or you give it a sniff.
Chances are, the leaf gave way not because it was ripe, but because it's old. The bottom is about as appealing as a forgotten piece of fruit in a garbage bin. And the fragrance? Is that fermentation I detect? But it's too late. In your enthusiasm or self-loathing, you bought it with dreams of serving some kitschy fried-rice dish in its bowels. But here you are with a shitty pineapple.
Here's what you do.