Computer Guy (CG): "I have bad news."
Me: "Oh God, what is it? Another $300? Another two weeks for a part?"
CG: "Well, not exactly."
Me: "Fixed?"
CG: "Um, no. I'm sorry. I don't know how to tell you this, but you're computer is gone."
Me: "Gone?"
CG: "Yeah, everything is pretty fried. I don't know exactly what it was, but it was in pretty bad shape. There were alot of nasty bugs."
Me: "God, I feel so dirty."
CG: "No, no you shouldn't. But your computer...um. Well, I haven't come across many machines with, um, you know, coffee stains. There were a lot of crumbs in the keyboard, and, well maybe you should take better care of your machine."
Me: "Yeah, well, you know, I DO eat. So pardon me if I need to eat a croissant or the odd sandwich while working. What, would it be more appropriate if you found Cheetos carcasses instead?"
CG: "I didn't mean it that way."
Me: (sighing) "Sorry, I know. I'm just upset."
CG: (pointing to machine) "Do you want a moment alone with your computer?"
Me: "Yeah."
CG: "Okay, I'll leave you to it, then." (starts to walk to the back)
Me: "Hey, does this mean I've really lost everything?"
CG: "Um, yeah. You did back things up didn't you?"
Me: "Back up?"
CG: "Oh boy."
Me: (turning to computer) "You bitch."
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