Cheese Sandwich You

Soli-dairy-ty

I figured something was wrong when the doctor came back with the test results. He looked down at the clipboard and then back up at me. "Well, young lady," he said. "There's something abnormal in your chart." I looked at him quizzically. He looked at me accusingly. "We've found brie in your system."

"No," I said. "How can this be?"

"I have my suspicions—I have to ask, have you exhibited any blogging tendencies since we last saw you?"

"Blog? I blog periodically, yes. But I'm just a social blogger, once in a while, it's never been a problem..."

"A few times is all it takes." He shook his head. "Does it run in your family?"

"No, I'd be the first. There's never been any blogging in my family history."

"I see. This is an interesting case," he put down his pen. "You show symptomatic signs of what's called auto-Petewellsian bloggorrhea. It's usually beneign. Extreme cases are a daily matter."

"Will I be okay?"

"It's a newly defined condition. And we're not aware of the extent of it since the 'researcher' who discovered it is an ass-hat and has yet to complete his research."

"Ass-hat?"

"Yes, it's an industry term. You wouldn't understand. But I'm a little concerned since in addition to the brie, we found an unidentified matter as well."

"Oh, that would be ginger preserves." The doc cocked his eyebrow.

"And how long have you been using this?"

"Oh, I only recently discovered a dealer. A lovely English woman with the corner store. You see, it's lovely with cheese. Sweet and spicy. Cuts the richness of things meat or otherwise." He wrote something down furiously on his prescription pad and handed it to me. I looked down and read in barely legible letters: Rx—Immediate cessation of blogging

I stared back up at him in disbelief. "Young lady, this is a potentially serious condition. If it goes unchecked, our primary ass-hat researcher has shown that it can lead to extensive boredom of you and those around you. We're talking pandemic proportions. Except for New York. For some reason our researcher has discovered New York cases of blogging are immune of the boredom factor."

Stunned, I sat there silently. Finally, I exhaled. "Well, shit. So I need to give up blogging?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," he said. "For the sake of foodie-kind." I sat there silently some more. "Do you have anything to say?"

"Yes. I do." He watched expectantly.

"Bite me."

Grilled Brie Sandwich with Ginger Preserves
2 slices multigrain/whole wheat bread * enough slices of Brie or Camembert to cover one slice * Ginger preserves to taste * butter for frying

Place cheese onto one slice of bread. Slather ginger preserves on the other. Sandwich together and place in a hot sautepan with the butter that has by now melted and turned slightly nutty brown. You will smell this bit. Over medium heat, fry until golden brown and crunchy, about 5 minutes. Add more butter and flip and finish cooking. Serve hot. Don't bother cutting it—just dig in letting your incisors cut away.

Comments

[mae]

Oh, Vanessa, i'm cracking up in laughter! My stomach is starting to hurt - i have to stop! My curious Fiance is worryingly staring at me... so i had to read it out loud and he laughed too. I too i think may be suffering from auto-Petewellsian bloggorrhea... wow. love. your. originality. girl! not to mention this yummy looking sandwich - can i take a bite?

Well written. well done.

[kalyn]

Wow! Wonderfully creative writing. I bet you got all A's in composition in school. The sandwich sounds wonderful too.

[Kate]

I'm so happy. Thank goodness you stood up to those so-called "doctors"! I've been diagnosed by several of those ass-hat researchers myself--but I'm still blogging strong. And off to eat some cheese. Love ya ;)

[MM]

ROFLMAO! That is truly hilarious ... I love it! Well said and ate.

[Erin]

Good God. Ok, I've heard of honey with cheese, but this is honey with cheese on steroids. I've never had ginger preserves, but I'm preeeetty sure my husband would hurt the innocent for a jar.

And thanks, it's not that often that I make a successful change to a baking recipe :D

[cookiecrumb]

Haw!!!

[Rorie]

I just spit my beer out on my keyboard I'm laughing so hard!

[Rorie]

Oh, and yum.

[Gustad Mody]

brie. hahaha

[BNA]

Dude. Awesome. We who are about to ravage the city looking for ginger preserves salute you.

[Jaay]

LMFAO. Vanessa, I've said it time and time again. You ALWAYS crack me up. I imagine you constantly have your friends in the Jell-o Belt laughing hystarically.

Leave it to you to come up with some a witty and original post. Fantastic!!

[Kady]

I've never seen ginger preserves before. Sounds yummy..especially with Brie!

[tanvi]

What a truly inspired combination of flavors! From what I've read so far, I can already tell I'm going to like this blog :-)